Dear Daisy...

Dear Daisy...

Model: Megan Emmett

HMU: Lisa Fahey for Tussta Hair

I'm in an Abusive Relationship

This morning I decided to take a little break from photography. 

I love photography, but at the moment I don't have a healthy relationship with it. I am writing this blog post because i have a lot of people who don't understand, want to help me through it and some who find it annoying that I have a lot of fans and I don't seem to appreciate them if I quit. Im not quitting, I just need a break. 

While it would be easy to blame the recent bit of criticism and negative feedback I have had recently, the truth is, I have been really lucky, I have a lot of encouraging people in my life and I actually haven't had much negativity since I started, it just seems that I have had a lot all of a sudden and at a time when I was really questioning myself and what I am doing. 

Im older than a lot of photographers in the same stage of their journey, so i feel like I am already behind, I feel a sense of urgency to achieve and grow, to catch up. I struggle with self doubt and self criticism. It is something I am aware of and have dealt with since I was young. I have overcome severe anxiety and depression, which is actually one of my biggest achievements in life and something I am very proud of. I no longer allow it to stop me from doing anything and for anyone who has struggled with it, they will understand what a big deal that is. So self-doubt seems like a small problem in comparison. Until you start putting yourself on display on social media... The positive comments and likes are almost like a drug, they seem like a good judge of how well you are doing. I found that after a while I started using it as a measure of what was good and stopped trusting my own judgement. While I don't think you should ignore everyones opinion, once you start to question your own judgement its easy to get lost. And I got lost. 

When you doubt yourself, the criticism speaks louder than praise because it seems more believable to you. I guess I wasn't prepared for the attention my work has gotten me, I was just following a dream of mine to take beautiful pictures and other people seemed to like it. Unfortunately, FB has change photography. It is so on display, you see other photographers work and cant help but judge what is better. Instead of people just seeing it and appreciating it and moving on, there is a way to 'vote' by liking it. It is also easier to say something negative when its through a screen, not face to face. You can compare yourself to other photographers with a number, the number of page fans.... Its crazy! You get sucked into it. And unfortunately, without the exposure of FB, no one really sees what you do and you miss out on opportunities to work with people, use amazing clothing in shoots and generally be a part of this amazing community of artist that share the same love as you. So its a bit of a catch 22. 

So my goal is really to take a little break, re-evaluate what I want from photography, get my own judgement back and really work on my own confidence, while still not losing my sensitivity, because really, that is part of where my creativity comes from and I dont want to give it up. 

I do appreciate those that follow and support my work, it has pushed me and encouraged me. I just hope that you can understand I just need a break to find my way again....

Lisa xoxoxo

Windswept

Windswept

This was just from a some shooting on location to another shoot for Kiara Rose's HSC Major work. Erica just looked so gorgeous in the sunset on the hill top. We were battling gail force winds but the air was warm and it was just such a nice afternoon xo

Model: Erica East